I don’t know what to say. I truly don’t. Normally I wouldn’t say anything at all, but that has made me so lonely recently. So it’s a time for change, I’m leaving my comfort zone and writing my way out of my silent rut. You may not believe this, but every word you’re reading was an anxious moment for me as I typed. I don’t typically leave my comfort zone of any part of my life, but nothing in life will change if I am not willing to change myself first. If I am going to run the Portland marathon next year, I have to train, not sit on my rump and think about it. If I want to finish that novel I have to write it! I am so absolutely terrified of leaving my security blanket in the trash, to move forward and make changes happen in my life even though I know it’s all for the better.
I guess that I’m afraid of failing, like not trying at all is somehow better than trying and risking that I may fail. Perhaps it’s not failure I’m afraid of, but not knowing. I don’t say anything when I don’t know what to say. I don’t do anything when I don’t know what will happen in the end. In either case I’ve, more often than not, allowed my fears to be a hindrance of my life. I’m 19 years old and I only go out at night when the moon is full because I’m afraid of what could be hidden in the dark. It’s time to face my fears and take chances, because I deserve to be unafraid. I have the power to make all my dreams come true if I just try.
I always make gifts for people for holidays, but I just made the best card ever for my partner. A Claddagh and Celtic knots in the shape of a heart pasted into the inside of a card made from scrapbooking paper, outside says “Gra anois agus go deo” and the inards have the translation “love now and forever”. Love makes me creative.
Sometimes I just can’t stop reading a book. Even when grammar and spelling are lacking, I find myself up at 3am trapped by a cliche plot… But I know why. Characters! Characters so full of depth, and so relatable, it becomes impossible to tear away from these people whom you’ve grown so close too. Every page is like watching your best friend move through a life that you suddenly have no part in. Every turn in events is agonizing as you read helplessly.
Shiver , by Maggie Streifvarer is one of those books. Mrs. S. takes her reader on a well trod trail as she introduces her main characters, Grace: the independent 17 yr old obsessed with wolves, and Sam: the wolf obsessed with Grace. As the tale unfolds so do you, at the hands of emotions seeping from individual pages. The story is deep and creative, though the plot has been well worn. This book even with its flaws is more addicting than chocolate when dieting. I definitely would recommend this book to 20yr olds and younger, but I can’t imagine anyone much older enjoying it.
Today I question sex ethics. Is marriage necessary, or can a relationship be as full of trust and stability as a marriage should? Is sex strictly for procreation or can the exchange of fluids simply be a part of the dance of energies mingling and hearts beating together with a pure love? Is saving yourself for the one perfect person worth it, or can the heart heal after loving so purely before, and still love the same for someone new? Is it worth asking these questions now?… better now than later…